and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
