She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
