Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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