I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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