I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
