Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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