You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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