I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
