so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
