Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
