96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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