Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
