Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
