Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize