so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
