Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
