I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize