I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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