Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize