I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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