I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm like, not good at living.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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