i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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