He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
