He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
