Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
