I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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