would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
