Swine flu. Run for my life!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
