Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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