Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
