she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
