I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
