We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
