My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
