I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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