those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
