K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
