Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
