he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
