i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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