I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
