so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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