Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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