my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
