i barfeds in our rink
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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