the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize