2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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