Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
