Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
