if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
