My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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