mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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