Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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