Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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