I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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