I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
