fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
