I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
