Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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