you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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