I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
