Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
