the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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