I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
