At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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