Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize