y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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