Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
